delusionally in pain

Delusionally in pain I'm always so bored Bored without him There's this nagging feeling I have I can’t tell if its fear Or my head just being weird Overthinking It makes me want to scream Without being near him feels like a sharp blade His smile is like firstaid But it still gets Closer and Closer to my H ………… E . . A . R . T I start to feel the pain Without his embrace I feel I'm going to cave Cave in to the emotions I've been trying to hold ever sense he left I feel like im breaking This dependency I have been feeling Its been showing Everyone sees it And now I do It's just hard to get through it It doesn't help how I've always been dependent on others Mom Dad Him I need to began Began the process Of growing up Doing this thing again On my own It will be tiring But ima be trying I’m stuck Like im scared of the responsibility Im scared it will be too much for me to handle Like a candle im afraid to blow out This candle is used to being protected from blowing out The nurturing ways of others Prevented that But maybe it's time to blow it out Its been too long and the wax is almost gone The candle is me And the flame is my circle As well as my family is to protect that I've been coddled too much to stay The pain in my chest will deepen but At least my heart is still beating Beating for you For me Even if I can't breathe I'll have to do the things that help me And not rely on your help The help you give numbs my pain The kisses you bring calms me You hold me And it helps me But in the wrong way I need to say something Because this addiction is depthening Into my responsibilities I love you but I need to balance both What should I do I want to choose both But can I handle it Will I blow out the candle The confusion floods my brain like a poison I need to survive from To keep going I don't even understand my own thinking I mean I'm rhyming But my brain is still poisoned I'm still drowning In my own confusion I'm in one place Hoping the day ends So I can avoid me And my thinking But my minds always thinking My emotions are breaking through Tears want to be falling but I cant They cant know how im dying inside I’m more than bored Im everything in one Emotion Fear Sadness Anger Im delusionally in pain In one moment