Writing About Your Parents Without Writing a Hallmark Card

Parents are the subject every poet reaches for and most get wrong. A judge on the three moves that turn a parent poem into a real one, the test that tells you if the poem is about the parent or about you, and the one detail that always works.

Parents are the subject every poet reaches for, and most get it wrong. Every contest pile has a stack of parent poems that are greeting cards, the kind that say 'thank you' and 'I love you' and 'you are the best' in the language of a card you buy at the chemist. The parent poem is the poem that is most likely to be a cliché.

The parent poem that works is not about the parent. It is about the specific thing the parent did that only you would know.

The greeting-card trap

The greeting-card parent poem is the one that tells you how much the parent meant. The sacrifices, the love, the strength, the example. It is accurate and it is flat, because the parent is the subject and the subject is the one thing the reader already knows.

A poem about a parent should not describe the parent. It should describe the thing the parent did that only you would notice.

The three moves that turn a parent poem into a real one

Move one: the specific habit. The parent poem that works is about a specific habit, the way they held a cup, the way they said your name, the way they did a thing that only they did. The habit is the person; the person is the poem.

Move two: the ordinary moment. The parent poem that works is about an ordinary moment, not a special one. The Tuesday breakfast, the car ride, the way they fell asleep in the chair. The ordinary moment is the one that is the most specific, because it is the one that nobody else saw.

Move three: the imperfection. The parent poem that works is about the flaw, not the perfection. The poem that says 'my mother was perfect' is a poem about the idea of a parent. The poem that says 'the way she snored on her side' is a poem about a real parent, and the real parent is the poem.

The test that decides

Here is the test I use on my own parent poems, and it is the only one that matters: is this poem about the parent, or is it about the idea of a parent? If the poem is about the idea, it is a greeting card. If it is about a specific person doing a specific thing, it is a poem.

The cliché is the poem that could be about anyone's parent. The real poem is the one that could only be about yours.

The one detail that always works

The detail that always works in a parent poem is the one that is so specific it could only belong to the person the poem is about. The way they held a pen. The way they said a particular word. The way they stood at the kitchen counter on a Tuesday. The detail that is so small and so specific that it could not be a symbol; it could only be a fact.

The parent poem that works is the poem that has one of those details in it, and the detail is the thing that makes the poem true.

Where it goes wrong

The trap is the poem that is about the feeling instead of the person. 'I love you' is a feeling; 'the way you hold a cup with both hands' is a person. The feeling is the cliché; the person is the poem.

If you want to see a parent poem that is about the person, the prompts library has a set on family and the self, and the contest window is open when the draft is ready. The parent is not the subject. The person is.

Keep reading

For the craft side, the family collection covers the deeper method. The imagery module is the page to read next, and the Unheard Voices is where the work goes when it is done.

By Writory Editorial, for Writory.

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