The Opening Line That Grabs a Judge's Attention

The first line of a contest poem decides whether the poem gets read. A judge on the four openings that work, the three that fail, and the five-minute test that tells you if your opening is a door or a wall.

The first line of a contest poem is the door. It is the thing that decides whether the judge walks in or walks past, and in a pile of two hundred entries the door has to open fast or the poem is already losing.

I have read enough first lines to know which ones work and which ones do not, and the difference is not talent. It is the difference between an opening that is a door and an opening that is a wall.

The four openings that work

The detail. A concrete thing, a person, a place, a moment. 'The bus shelter had a name carved under the seat' is a door because it gives the reader a thing to look at. The detail is the thing that makes the reader want to see more.

The voice. A speaker who is talking, not a narrator who is describing. 'I have been thinking about the way you hold a cup' is a door because it is a person talking to another person. The voice is the thing that makes the reader feel like they are being spoken to.

The question. A question that is not rhetorical, a real question that the poem is going to answer. 'What does a house sound like when it is empty?' is a door because it sets up the thing the poem is going to do.

The turn. A line that contradicts the expectation, the thing that makes the reader say 'wait, what?'. 'The funeral was the best day of the year' is a door because it makes the reader want to know why.

The three openings that fail

The thesis. 'Life is hard' or 'Love is complicated' or 'Grief is a thing we all carry.' The thesis is a wall because it tells the reader what to think instead of showing them something to look at.

The throat-clearing. 'I want to tell you about' or 'Let me explain' or 'This poem is about.' The throat-clearing is a wall because it is the poem knocking on the door instead of opening it.

The weather report. 'It was a dark and stormy night' or 'The sun was setting over the ocean' or 'The autumn leaves were falling.' The weather report is a wall because it is describing the scene instead of the thing in the scene.

The five-minute test

Here is the test I use on my own first lines. Take the first line and the title and read them together. If the first line is doing the title's job, the first line is wrong. If the first line is doing something the title cannot do, it is right.

Then take the first line and the last line and read them together. If the first line is telling you what the last line will say, the first line is a spoiler. A good first line and a good last line should be in conversation, not in agreement.

A worked example

Bad: 'I have always loved the sea.' The thesis. The wall.

Better: 'The sea was the first thing I learned to be afraid of.' The detail. The door. The poem is about the fear, not the sea, and the first line is the thing that opens it.

Where the opening goes wrong

The trap is the first line that is the poem's thesis. 'This poem is about grief' is a wall because it has already said the thing the poem is supposed to say. The first line should be the door, not the map.

If you want to see openings that work, the forms library has examples across the board, and the first thirty seconds post has the judge's scan. When yours is ready, the contest window is open. The first line is the door. Open it.

Keep reading

For the craft side, the contest-tips module covers the deeper method. The past winners is the page to read next, and the current window is where the work goes when it is done.

By Writory Editorial, for Writory.

Keep reading in the Writory Library

Enter a Writory poetry contest